Giving Yourself Grace

Giving Yourself Grace

So this month I am just doing a short blog about ‘Giving yourself Grace’. Letting things go sometimes, and managing expectations of yourself, so that you do not feel overwhelmed, when the ‘to-do’ list exceeds the time and energy that you have.

This is something I am always suggesting to my clients when they are suffering from stress or anxiety, and also because I need to do this for myself for September, as I simply haven’t had the time to write an interesting blog for you this month!

The message is just that sometimes we have to prioritise the things on our never-ending ‘to do’ lists! Sometimes we are not going to be able to get everything ticked off, because however well organised we are, or however much we plan our days and our diaries, sometimes unexpected obstacles can get in our way, or other priorities or emergencies can suddenly take over.

Occasionally we have to let something slide, or just postpone it until we can give it the attention it deserves. Deadlines may get missed, meet ups with friends or family may have to be delayed sometimes, and chores that are not vital, may just have to wait. When we are super busy, it is especially important that we do make just a little time to be good to ourselves too.

This last month has seen me move from my parents house, into a housesit for a lovely friend over the whole of August, looking after her beautiful house and gorgeous cat! Then whilst there, I got offered a part-time, live-in job opportunity (that works around my therapy business), working with teenagers at a local boarding house. It is less than 5 minutes from my clinic, working for the wonderful school where my daughter won her music scholarship 4 years ago! It is a very upbeat, happy and positive, supportive place, and I feel very lucky to now be a part of it.

So from the beginning of this month to the end, everything has changed for me yet again! I’m now lucky enough to be living in the same village as I am working in, whilst learning a new job, and gaining new experience, but still being able to treat my wonderful and loyal Soul Space clients.

I miss seeing my mum and dad every day, and I will be eternally grateful to them for having me to stay this past year – they have forever been there for me whenever I have needed them most, and I never take that for granted. I know how blessed I am to have them still supporting me, and helping me through the tough times.

So - September has been hectic, with yet another move (with help from a few fab friends and my usual mover, getting everything out of storage after 2 years!), settling into another home and a new job (with lots of online training!) whilst working full-time in my therapy business. I am really, really tired – but it’s all very exciting too!

I did manage to take a few days off, to spend a long weekend with my fantastic kid in Leeds this month, celebrating their 21st Birthday, which was truly wonderful – where does the time go?! It was so good to have time to relax with them, their fantastic partner Mags and their beautiful new rescue cat Paddy in their lovely new home! Seeing them so settled and happy, makes me so happy too.

I have also wanted to spend time with a dear friend who has been very poorly this month, so supporting her has also been a very important priority for me at this time. It has been a real privilege to be there for her, and to witness how hard some of our NHS workers and ambulance crew work each and every day to care for people, in very difficult circumstances.

According to Google (and this is my understanding too!) to ‘Give yourself Grace’ means to treat yourself with the same kindness, compassion, and understanding you would offer a friend, especially after making a mistake or facing a challenge. It involves recognising your humanity, accepting inperfections, and practicing self-care instead of self-criticism. Key aspects include setting realistic expectations, practicing self-compassion, forgiving yourself for past errors, and challenging negative self-talk to foster resilience and well-being. This can be broken down as follows:

1. Self-Kindness – Treat yourself with the same gentleness and empathy you would show to a dear friend.
2. Acceptance of Imperfection – Acknowledge that making mistakes and having flaws is a normal part of being human and that perfection is unattainable.
3. Forgiveness – Instead of dwelling on past errors, understand them as opportunities for growth and learning, and forgive yourself for not being perfect.
4. Realistic Expectations – Avoid setting overly demanding goals and recognise your limitations to prevent excessive pressure and burnout.
5. Emotional Validity – Allow yourself to feel and acknowledge your emotions without judgement or suppression, especially during difficult times.
6. Self-Care – Prioritise activities that bring you joy and relaxation, and give yourself permission to rest and slow down when you need to.
7. Challenging Negative Self-Talk – Reframe critical and harsh inner dialogue into more positive and compassionate thoughts.

How to Practice Self-Grace:

1. Replace Self-Criticism with Compassion – Instead of being self-deprecating, use kinder language that you would use with a friend.
2. Practice Gratitude – Cultivate an attitude of gratitude to shift your perspective.
3. Set Boundaries – Learn to say ‘no’ when you need to, freeing up your time and energy.
4. Focus on Progress, not Perfection – When reflecting, acknowledge what you have accomplished rather than focusing on what wasn’t done.
5. Take Action, Even if Small – Do one thing every day that you are proud of.
6. Don’t Avoid Difficult Emotions – Allow yourself to experience and process challenging feelings rather than pushing them away.