Letting Go...

The Hardest Bit!

My lovely, funny, caring and wonderfully unique daughter left home for university 223 miles away this month, just before her 19th birthday. I could not be more proud of her and the adult she has become, nor could I be more excited for her for the next part of her adventure, as she progresses her music career up north. But as any parent knows, saying goodbye after you have looked after your child for all those years is very difficult! It has just been the two of us since she was a baby, so we are so very close.

‘Letting Go’ is so important though – giving them the space and freedom to experience this chapter is vital for their independence and confidence (but it’s also so nice when they call or message you to say hello or to ask about the laundry!). You have to give them roots and wings. Roots to know they always have a home with you, and that you will forever be there, and wings to fly so they can start to build and grow their own lives.

At this time there is great excitement and joy for them as they start their new chapter, but also a great sense of loss for you. There is immense pride in them as they make their way – making new friends in their accommodation, setting their bedroom up, cooking for themselves, budgeting for their rent and social life, and starting on their university courses of course, but there is also a lot of anxiety, fear and stress that all will be well and that they will be safe.

Letting go of that protective side of parenting is so very challenging – knowing that you have to just hope you have supported them enough and taught them enough to make good decisions, and that when they are so far away they choose their new friends wisely, so that they look out for each other – it is really, really hard! I’m sending a big hug to all the other mums, dads and carers going through it this term – I’m sure they will all be absolutely fine!

Moving Again

This month we have also had to ‘Let Go’ of the home we’ve had for the last 5 years. The gorgeous Rowly ‘Gingerbread House’. Of all the rental homes we’ve had, this one really took our heart. A beautiful lodge, with a gorgeous garden (total godsend in the Covid lockdowns) and a place that also had room to give Molly a fabulous little music room, and for me, a lovely room for my clients. I’ve had folk knock on the door here just asking if they can have a look around, as they have always walked past and wondered what it’s like inside! Folk often stop outside and take photos because it’s so very pretty.

I am so sad to have to leave this property – Molly, myself and Colin the Cat of course (a very hard one to ‘Let Go’ of this year), have made the most wonderful memories here, and it is with a heavy heart that I will be leaving in two weeks. It sold almost as soon as the landlords put it on the market – not surprising as it is so lovely and unique! I truly wish the new owner all the happiness that we have had here…it is a special place. I only wish I’d won the lottery in time to buy it myself!

I will miss the energy here, the peace and the lovely outside space, as well as the gorgeous open fire in the winter months, and the neighbours I am grateful to know. But I am also sure that I will settle well into the new property with the lovely family there, that have very kindly reached out to me and invited me to rent part of their home with them, for my next chapter.

I have had to ‘Let Go’ of the hope of finding my own place to rent for now, and just be very grateful for the fact that I will have a room to sleep in, a room to work in, and a room that I can make into a lounge for me (and waiting area for clients) when Molly is away, that can then be turned into a bedroom and private space for her, when she is home to visit. I was very close to having to move away, so I will be eternally grateful for their kindness, and I am looking forward to a new phase. They have lots of animals as well, so I’m excited to get my ‘cat fix’ there too! Every change in our lives brings new opportunities and experiences with it.

Letting Go of ‘Stuff’

With moving soon to this smaller space, I have obviously had to have a really good sort out! I have donated tons of items to individuals, local groups and charity shops, dumped a load of stuff, and recycled a lot of other items. I have been pretty ruthless, which has been really difficult with some of the items I love (which I would loved to have kept), but it has also been quite a cathartic experience. I think we all have too much ‘stuff’ anyway, so at least wherever life takes me next, I’ll have less to shift! I have also sold a few things to put the money towards the moving costs, so that has been a positive thing too, and I have sold quite a few things for my daughter, so I could send her some money to help her out at university.

Letting Go of Relationships

One of the most painful things I’ve had to ‘Let Go’ of this year is some of my personal friendships and relationships. There are times in our lives when for many reasons, we realise that the love or care we feel for someone, is not reciprocated in the same way. So we have to find the courage to just move on, with love and good memories in our heart, and best wishes for them for the future, but at the same time, accept that in order for ourselves to not be damaged further by that, to break away from them, or put some space between you. It hurts, but it is something that we all experience at different times in our lives. Protecting our peace is very important, and recognising who we can rely on, who loves us in return, and who we want to keep close, as we move forward.

Keeping Going

Sometimes, when a lot of things come at once, and there is a lot of change all in one go, it can feel pretty overwhelming. I’ve had a few days this month where I have been on my own, working full-time and missing my daughter whilst packing, sorting and dumping loads of stuff, where I have wondered if I can make it through the day and get everything done! But we just have to remind ourselves who we are, what we have got through before this, and just keep going! If in doubt, eat cake!

Taking a Breath

When times are tricky, it’s important to take time to breathe properly. Just a moment here and there. A proper, considered, lovely long breath. Close your eyes, breathe in, breathe out. Listen to the breath. Relax with the breath. Feel your heart beating. Breathe in for 5 seconds, breathe out for 5 seconds. Look at the sea, look at the sky, or look at something else you love, like maybe being in nature, or something else that brings you calm. Remember this is just a moment of anxiety or sadness or difficulty. It will pass.

I took myself to Ramster Gardens in Chiddingfold this afternoon, just for an hour in between the other chores, to do just this. To take a breath, to switch the busy brain off for a bit, and to see their stunning ‘Acer Avenue’ – a row of the most beautiful Acer trees, that are always best viewed in September and October each year. It is a wonderful place, with a gorgeous, restful energy – I highly recommend a visit before they close on the 12th of November. They are only open Thursdays to Sundays at the moment. Here’s my favourite photo of the Acers that I took today:

Looking Ahead

As much as ‘Letting Go’ has been a real challenge for me this month, I do also recognise that with my daughter moving away, and me moving our home and my business to a smaller place, this will give me a little more time to think of things that I might like to do for myself now. Having turned 50 two years ago, it really focuses the mind, and makes you realise that there is very likely far more years behind you than in front of you, and that we shouldn’t waste a moment of it. You have to give yourself the ‘green light’ to head in a new direction, and try to find ways to experience new things, and perhaps go in different directions that you may not have thought of, or planned for.

Embracing Some Freedom

I am going to try and see this next chapter as a new phase. A chance to get out a bit more, experience a bit more, and definitely go to the seaside more! Once I’m settled, I’m hoping to get back to some yoga, some dancing, some crafting, and to see a bit more of my family and friends, as well as hopefully a few trips up to Leeds to see my amazing daughter when invited! My ultimate dream would be to have a little old cottage by the sea, but for now, I shall just take things as they come and try to grab life!